Today I got up very early to drive to a doctor in northern Chicago for a second opinion. When my oncologist set this up, he said most likely the opinion would be the same and it would just be a nice confirmation for my parents that what we are doing (the surgery and treatment) is the right thing to do. I was speechless and confused when he had a slightly different outlook on my situation.
This doctor told me that he still wasn't sure it was, in fact, melanoma....I had been told a week ago by another doctor that if I was his daughter I would have been in for surgery yesterday.... WHAT?! Anyway, he said that there was a new test that has just come out and has been proven very reliable. He wants to take the lymph node and skin samples and test a certain gene structure in them. He said that in 90% of melanoma a certain gene structure is present. If the genes structure is there, I will still have the surgery and in HIS mind be diagnosed with melanoma. If it turns out that the gene structure is not there, then he is willing to say that I do not have melanoma and will not need the surgery. Here's the kicker. It takes around 2 weeks to get this test done, which is past the date I have to drop all my classes and keep my scholarship.
Feeling: Frustrated. Which is very sad I know, considering I just found out there is a small chance that I don't have skin cancer. Who wouldn't want that?! I just feel like a puppet with these doctors. I don't really know who to trust or what to believe anymore. More than anything I'm tired of waiting for results. I don't want to get my hopes up again for something that may not be true. It is also frustrating if it isn't melanoma that I would have to go through any of the tears, phone calls, blood tests, dropping the semester, worrying, worrying all of you. It just doesn't seem fair. I wish I was feeling a little more thankful than I am right now. I know it may be good news, I'm just again feeling very out of control.
I love you all and I'm sorry that this isn't the happiest of my writings.
Love your friend,